resigned

How crazy do you have to be to be this sane?

I am sitting here soberly, rationally contemplating my own demise.

At least there is no immediate danger, due to my detesting of pain and thus the need to ensure a painless and assured means of dispatch.

It would probably be better if I was kicking and screaming about this, sweating, panicked, as I have been many times before. Now I am just resolved. Tidy up my affairs, ensure all necessary coverages have been placed in effect and then...

resolution

I am going through it; why am I still here?

I have been so suicidal the past 1 month, I will either get counselling, get on some meds that will mess me up with all sorts of side-effects and still not likely get me to a point where I am functional or I will be dead.

We shall see.