LtU&E (Life the Universe & Everything)

Hey,

before getting into this, as far as modern music, there is Pink Floyd, then there is everybody else. I even have them as a separate genre on my iTunes: Floyd.

So.... I am on the edge; I am neither down nor up, just spiralling into the abyss. Darkness is at its core, and I so want to embrace it. This is not a deathwish, more a desire for oblivion, so that this endless cycle will cease. I am so sick of the constant treadmill; up. down. forward. back.

You know what really annoys me? People who preface a phrase with, I'm not going to lie to you. That means that the next thing you tell me, or else the last thing you said to me, will be/was a lie. If you weren't going to lie to me, you would just say what you have to say. Also, in all honesty. Really, do your words need to be effaced with these meaningless supporting struts?

I have left, I have gone back, I have left again. Now I feel sanity leaving me. My brain feels like it is being crushed in a vice. Thought is a struggle. This could get messy.

From the varied reading I am doing, I think many bipolar suicides are a result, not of depression, but rather the realisation that this will not end. The up/down cycle, regardless of medication, will continue...

At some point, this hits home. That is isn't going to get better, that there is no rainbow, that no matter how acutely fabulous you feel, this too shall pass. That the darkness will recede, if you but give it time. And then, you, you will be left to pick up the pieces. The fractured relationships, the so, so innocent tears, the miscomprehension. All is laid waste, and at the end, there I stand, in the eye of the storm, to survey the damage I have inflicted.

dc

depressed again

the night /
stare into the void /
spectres behind /
the ghosts of righteous roads forsaken /
empty